Does he or she feel bad for hurting you? They say they are sorry, and they say they never want to hurt you, but they did. And to make it worse, they keep on hurting you! How are you supposed to accept their apology and believe they don’t want to hurt you when they keep doing it all the time? It makes you wonder why and how someone who claims to love you would go on hurting you? You may even think people who love you don’t hurt you, so you wonder if they really do love you.
When you let someone know that you are hurting and why, you are exposing to them your vulnerabilities. You are giving them the chance to understand how their actions or words made you feel, and why they should not do it again. You are giving them the opportunity to see your deepest feelings, giving them the opportunity to explain themselves and make the situation better. You want to see from them that they either understand your feelings, and feel your pain.
You don’t want them to just defend themselves or tell you to just get over it. No one wants someone else to say their feelings are not valid. If you are hurt, you are hurt. No one can say that you are not. Without validation, you feel as if your feelings are just being dismissed. In order to forgive someone, most people need the other person to feel sorry for what they have done or said. When someone repeatedly hurts you, their apologies seem meaningless. What really drives you nuts and makes you feel even worse is that they do not seem to feel bad at all for hurting you.
In truth, if we really feel bad about something we have done, we will most likely never do that again. So if the person you are in a relationship with does the same hurtful thing over and over again, they don’t feel bad for hurting you. Sorry, but that is the truth. Not to excuse them, but explaining ones feelings is rather difficult. How could you explain to someone who has never experienced feeling cold what it feels like to feel cold? They really cannot understand it unless they go through it. We are not saying you should hurt someone the same way they hurt you in order to make them understand what you are feeling all the time, but sometimes it is a good idea.
If your significant other has been hurting your feelings by not having time for you, why not show them how it feels? When they want to spend time with you, don’t be available. If the one you love is hurting you by not making them a priority but you have them as a top priority, show them how it feels. Drop them to as low a priority as they have put you on their priority list. Sometimes that can turn on the light bulb where they understand you a lot better and stop that behavior.
The bottom line is if the one you love does not seem to feel bad about hurting you, it is time you made some choices. Either stay with someone who will continue hurting you, or take that opportunity away from them. That choice is yours.