Why won’t he spend time with me? Why doesn’t he understand our need to spend time together? Doesn’t he miss me as much as I miss him?
These are questions that many people find themselves asking when the one they want to spend time with has little or no time for them. It is frustrating when you hear excuse after excuse as to why someone doesn’t spend time with you. After hearing one too many excuses you begin to get angry. They can tell you that they miss you, but if they really did, wouldn’t they find a way to spend some time with you?
To a certain degree, that is true. If someone feels they are only going to be temporarily too busy to spend time with you, that doesn’t apply. They know, and take for granted, that once their crisis is over they will have more than enough time to spend with you. However, if you have to fight tooth and nail to spend time with someone throughout your relationship, then it is true. They don’t miss you enough to spend time with you.
When someone doesn’t have the time to see you, they will at least try to speak to you to make up for it. They also want to hear the sound of your voice and touch base with you. If someone tells you they miss you and can’t spend time with you but won’t call you, it’s a red flag that is not to be ignored. If they can go weeks without seeing you and speaking to you chances are pretty damn high they don’t really miss you. They can say it, but their actions say otherwise. As they say, actions speak louder than words. Pay more attention to his actions, less to his words. He is paying more attention to your actions, and less to your words.
Your actions speak louder than words too. When you accept the small crumbs he throws at you he knows he doesn’t have to give you more. You will settle for the little you get. So what would cause him to free up time to spend with you if he knows he doesn’t have to? If he knows you are just waiting on him there is no rush to get there. Could it be that he would change his tune and find more time to spend with you if he knew you were out spending time with God knows who instead of waiting on him? There is a good chance that could work.
If you stopped complaining about not spending time together and kept yourself busy instead, that would send a powerful message. The message would be “I don’t have any more time to spend waiting for you”. That would show him you mean business. It would also give him something to worry about too. If a guy isn’t physically available to you, how can he really be emotionally available to you? He can’t.
How can you grow together as a couple if you don’t spend any real-time together or communicating? You can’t. How can he say he wants a relationship if he doesn’t spend time nurturing the one he has? He can say it, but he would be lying. It’s one thing if your man has been deployed and you can’t spend time together. But what good excuse does your man really have for doing this for so long and so often? There is no good enough excuse and this guy is not good enough for you.